Moorish Gecko (Fiction – Episode 2)

Same Life, Different Chances

Photo by Egor Kamelev

His mind was the key aspect to his life. Not because of his mental illness, but because of how it used him, and led him towards a negative path. Some people are controlled by their minds. While some are controlled by their emotions. It’s normal. And for him, the controller was his mind. 

Many have lived near-perfect lives in which there was either a balance between the mind and the emotions, or the controlling aspect had led to a positive outcome. But, in his case, his mind was fully focused on himself, and no-one else. On top of that, it was focused on himself along with his ego. To paint the picture clearly,  he had a self-focused mind plus a self-focused ego which resulted to a person who thought of himself as God. Not a god, no. God himself. In fact, indeed, he told everyone that he was God. Hence, his atheist status, which he bragged about more often than it was necessary. 

His mind was also burdened by self-inflicting thoughts. He was being weakened by negativity, self-isolating actions, and his hatred for the law. In fact, the society saw him as a mentally burdened person too. See, he was a walking reflection of his inner struggles. But, it is also the same struggles that he misused to gain public sympathy …particularly of women, or those who had feminine energy.

He once saw a seer …secretly of course. Because he did not want people to undermine his ‘ atheist status’ by associating him with those who believed in the spiritual world. After over 12 years of failed psychologist’ visits, he had to ‘try’ to find out about himself through other means. A person who was so self-absorbed that he would talk to anyone who could boost his ego, or help him talk about, or project more of himself.  
The seer had interesting revelations. Revelations that still went over his head, because they were revelations that did not worship him. They were revelations of the bad side to himself. Of course, because he was a narcissist, to him, he was always right and a ‘good person‘. So, how dare could the seer say negative things about his life.

The seer had looked into his past lives, trying to determine the root cause of his mental agonies. She had found that even in his past lives, he’d suffered mental illness. In his past lives, he had been either a spy, an investigator, or a psychologist — basically, the careers that he was called to be doing in his lifetime. He could had also been working for the defence force, as a soldier. So she had said.

The seer had also discovered that he had had many older siblings, but with whom he got separated. Or the siblings had separated themselves from him and became his enemies. The same had happened with his many friends, who had turned on him, and had harmed him ….violently. These friends from his past had included people of higher authority and mentors or teachers. The seer had said that his father had been of great support to him, but also neglecting him in the matters of fatherly affection.

In his past life, he had also been violent to his children, or his children had experienced some violence through him. Even though he had had many past-life children, it was revealed that he had had lost many of them too …to death, or because he was separated from them. “Perhaps, your children were taken into foster care, or you…you were arrested at some point.” The seer had told him.

His mother had been like a friend to him, …and less of a mother. Even his household had been filled with friends. And sometimes, filled with people who worked in humanitarian organisations. His mother had also been awkwardly distant, emotionally; lacking affection towards him. But it had not all been gloom and death. The seer had claimed that Gecko had been a rich man in his past lives. He even had had sisters for younger siblings. Apparently, his sisters had gone off to hold a higher status in the society. He himself had had a public status as a good communicator. People, in thousands, had had consulted with him, to benefit from his intellect. 

The seer had also discovered that Gecko had been married, in his past lives, to a beautiful wife. A wife who had been wise and highly learned. But his mother had always been in-between him and his wife, causing much strife in his marriage or his commited relationships. Such as it was the case in his present life at that time. Then, when he had dated, he had also preferred dating males, secretly. He had dated males that were in his friendship circle. People whom he had thought he could trust. A path that he was reliving without knowing.

Basically, what the seer had discovered was highly related to the life he was living at the moment. With only a few details that were different from his present lifestyle. She had also warned him that if he were not careful enough, he would die the same way that he had died in his past lives. 

His past death had been caused by a male figure. Someone who had been well-known to him. It could had also been because of his ancestors. That’s what the seer had said. His murderer had been someone like a soldier. Someone who had been a natural carrier of weapons. Someone who had been familiar with the war, and discipline, and authority, and stuff like that. Perhaps he had also been making enemies by selling information that he was not supposed to pass around. 

A path once lived and led to misery, was on his doorstep yet again. 

Published by Mitta Xinindlu

Mitta Xinindlu is an author of books in fiction and nonfiction genres. She is a versatile writer and researcher. Her qualifications in academics include a Master of Science in Project Management and a Six Sigma Green Belt. A multilingual writer with a knowledge of ten languages. Her language skills range from elementary to native. She also knows Tech languages such as R programming and Python. Her work in writing has been featured in digital and print media. Media platforms include Parade Magazine, Thought Catalog, Psychology Today, and Your Tango Magazine, In 2019 PoemHunter selected one of her poems as a Poem of the Day.

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